40 Days of Writing, Day 3: Generation X and the Changing Face of Friendship

The only thing I really miss about my 20s is the proximity to my friends.  Even though my friends and I are the guinea pigs of social media like facebook and twitter, linkedIn and blogs…there truly is nothing like sharing your life with someone via face to face time.  Being able to read someone’s face, instead of reading their blog.  Going to the market to pick up bread and talking through decisions is better than Skype calls with news updates about the decisions that have already been decided.

In 2011, in addition to my sister, three of my closest friends are getting married.  Of the three, two of them have fiancees I’ve never met and the one I have met is someone I’ve exchanged about 3 sentences.  So, to summarize: I’m letting three of my best friends go to spend the rest of their lives with people I have never met.

I feel entirely uncomfortable writing that.

Back in my 20s, saying someone was my Friend had meaning.  It meant I had some sort of interesting connection and liked their existence.  Now?  A “friend” can be someone you never really knew, but has access to your Facebook wall.

On the other hand, I’ve formed significant, life-saving relationships with other writers through social media.  We’ve met in person at conferences and writing events and are bonded by the written word and the sacred space of creative exchange.  I consider these people close in my heart, but it’s different than my friend Tricia whose should I cried on when I got my first D on a test in the 7th grade.

So many of my friendships have changed because of the different paths of moving, marriage, children, and occupation. Back in 2001, I began reading more and more newspaper articles claiming that my generation is a hopping generation.  Literally.  We hop around more than any generation before us.  Traveling is more accessible and jobs are less accessible.  Many of us move with restlessness, searching for something we can’t name and sometimes, in the middle of all of that, we fall in love with people from an entirely different region of the country that needs geographical compromise.  Whatever the reason, we’re more spread out than our parents.

What defines community for those of us transitioning in and out of friendships?  What does it mean to have relationships begin in one place, but then you both move to different parts of the country for the rest of your lives?  How do you make space for new friends?  Are they the same as friends with shared history?

Community.  Friendship. What does this mean in the era of computer screen bonding and texting life news, “I’m engaged!”?

Generation Xers — what is becoming of our relationships?