Up at Racialicious, there is a roundtable about interracial dating and I served on the South Asian panel (holla Pinoys! represent!).

I wish I had more time and energy to expand my thoughts and reflections on the topic — it’s always good for me to remember where I’ve been and how I want to raise Isaiah as he goes out into the world someday to find a person to share popcorn with, hold hands with, love and maybe bring home to meet his crazy mama.

I am often reminded that Isaiah will not have the same experiences as I did growing up. Racial conflict and tension was such a HUGE part of my identity formation and for Isaiah who is fair skinned and likely will pass as a mixed kid, will likely NOT have such tumultuous times when he develops feelings for someone. What’s weird is that I’m both glad and upset that he’ll have it easier than I did.

Reasons why I’m glad my kid will not face the same emotional battles when it comes to interracial dating:
Uh, yeah. I don’t want my kid to suffer because of some effed up system that dictates who you can and cannot be attracted to. Dumb. Unnecessary. Did I mention it’s also bullshit?

Reasons why I’m a little upset he will have it easier than me:
Is this wrong? I grew from those experiences. A lot. It talk me to think on my own, to believe in myself, and to identify my true thoughts and values based on my lived experiences, not by what other people told me to believe. Adversity creates strength, or as Frederick Douglas said, “Without struggle, there can be no progress.”

I want Isaiah to understand the complexity of race and interracial relationships. I want him to understand his very flesh and bone is made up of ancestors from two different parts of the world. One is not better than the other, but they are extremely different. Both need to be honored and I guess I’m worried that without anything providing a bump in the road, he will cruise through his life without giving a second thought to the implications of culture, heritage, tradition, and race.

But I guess that’s why I’m the parent, right? To make sure that he does think about it and, someday, comes to appreciate that his mixed blood came from two people who faced a lot of cultural differences and learned how to incorporate those differences into love.